I think I just saw someone hide a body.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
