You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
