I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i think my tv is drunk
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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