My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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