So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
