bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
