Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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