i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just found puke in my bra..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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