just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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