My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize