The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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