My nipple is on Facebook.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
