Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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