my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
