woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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