after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
