dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
is wine microwaveable?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
