So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
