areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
where are my eyebrows?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
