Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
