so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize