that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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