i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
