i don't like sucking hair
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
