Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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