she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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