I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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