He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
