A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
