I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Drunk is not a location!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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