i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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