Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
