then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
