and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just tell him i said nine months
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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