Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
