I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize