So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
