ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
