he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
