Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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