Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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