i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
