ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
