I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
