i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
