I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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