and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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