Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize