I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
