I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
