if only i could text you this smell
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
