I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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