she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
