I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
