The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
