oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize