got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
