So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
