You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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