He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
