I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
