Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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