Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
