John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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