I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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