Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
