i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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