Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
