why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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