thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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