Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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