he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
