Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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