Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
porn star boner night. come get it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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