just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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